my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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