I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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