he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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