I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
