oh god the rape fog is back!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
