Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
