these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize