I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
