Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
