Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
