I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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