Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
