i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
