Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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