I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just gargled with NyQuil
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
