You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
