I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize