I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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