I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
