this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
