saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
