I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
