now i know why i became what i already was.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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