I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
