Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
