i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
