i'm lost and i look like a hooker
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
