dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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