I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
