Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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