I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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