They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize