so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
BRING THE BAGELS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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