Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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