you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
