I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
