We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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