she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I can text with my tongue
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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