I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
