Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
