So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize