If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
