have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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