His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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