This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
