I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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