A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
