When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
