I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
