I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
