There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
