I cockslap morals
organizing the empties. That sober.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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