he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
