hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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