Welp...herpes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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