Having a random hookup so left but love u
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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