it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
