READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
