My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
