No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize