as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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