I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
