wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
