Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
