I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
