I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
