is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Who wears a wallet chain?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
