i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's always time for handjobs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
